I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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