are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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