i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
me + whiskey = a bad person
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
