OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
