I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Randomize
