so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If I die, sorry about rent.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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