I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize