I feel like abortions should bother me more
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
