Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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