It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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