Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Still dying that you shit outside
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
