I should be sponsored by Trojan
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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