I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize