You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
