Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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