I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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