all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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