My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
