i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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