His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You are a genius and a whore.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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