8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
