Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
