she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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