wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
