Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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