I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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