On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
