I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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