Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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