I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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