i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
