He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up under a house in Key West
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize