i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
