fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
