btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
