i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
where does the pee come out of this thing
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
