Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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