I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Even my vagina gasped.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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