i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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