The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
