That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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