could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
