How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
