He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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