I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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