Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
