Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
