I didn't shave. On purpose
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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