i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
