The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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