I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
