Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
