If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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