Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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