So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
