It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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