Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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