I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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