I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize