If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dignity is for republicans.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
