i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
