I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
