i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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