OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
