I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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