I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
