he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
