worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He has the fingertips of a God
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
