Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
