He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize