he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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