I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
