I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize