I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
