Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding

Fav 10 6011 1386
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(954): View more from Florida

i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.

Fav 4 3703 755
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(319): View more from Iowa

I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women

(319): View more from Iowa

I wish I had your problem

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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.

Fav 21 1487 4520
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(763): View more from Minnesota

The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.

Fav 20 6930 1429
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(606): View more from Kentucky

Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma

Fav 3 1208 539
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(701): View more from North Dakota

I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.

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