I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
