the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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