Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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