If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
