She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
