I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's blow job season.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
