Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
