Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I had to cum in my sink.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize