I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
