Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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