remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
