you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
