What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize