i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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