Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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